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A Ring of Endless Light [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
The Faery Reel

{ dreams | last }
{ for | so long }

school life sans council [Jul. 15th, 2009|08:26 pm]
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i’ve been making a list of the things they don’t teach you at school. they don’t teach you how to love somebody. they don’t teach you how to be famous. they don’t teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. they don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer. they don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. they don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying. they don’t teach you anything worth knowing.
- neil gaiman.

and that is why council has completed my school education in a way nothing else could ever have.
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Investiture 2009 [Jul. 13th, 2009|09:11 pm]
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"I have fought the good fight, I have run the race to the finish, I have kept the faith."
2 Timothy: 4-7


I haven't words enough to describe the multitude of emotions that bubble up in my throat when I think of this council journey that has finally come to a close. I have felt every emotion on the spectrum possible - from pure joy and euphoria to crippling fear, from loathing and frustration to crushing disappointment, from migraine-inducing stress to migraine-inducing worry, from excitement to disenchantment. And it has come to a close finally. And I feel like I have aged 20 years in the course of one (and according to the juniors, I look it too).

This journey has been so frustrating and so sickening at times that it made me toxic and venomous. And the mere thoughts of some issues unresolved will forever rankle me, but in all, the only thing I have left to share about the 41st is this:

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of a sky of a tree called life
which grows higher than the soul can hope and mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

- ee cummings / i carry your heart


When Yuexi grabbed me by both my hands and thanked me for my work as house captain, and when Molina hugged me and thanked me for just being there always, those were two of the kind of infinitesimal moments where you really just feel infinite and just undefinable. Because I think we all realised, in moments like those, that it was finally finally over. The year of toiling and late nights and stress and crippling workloads is finally closed - and it has been such a big part of us that it seems absurd and bizzarre and unbelievable that it is finally over. As far as NJ life has stretched back it was always associated with council, and now - now! The incontrovertible truth is that it is gone and no longer a part of us! I don't know whether to feel relieved, regretful or content. It's a strange incongruent mix of feelings that doesn't always taste right, but it's over and done and the finality is jarring. But in all, this term has opened my eyes to so many things: I know what it means to face difficulty - real grueling setbacks that a cloistered, warm, camaraderie-fuelled environment could not show me. I know the larger meaning of things, how not to get lost and caught up in micro-planning and keep sight of the bigger picture when orchestrating events. It has shown me the true meaning of committment, of working even when your burning passion is lost and you have no guiding hands to help you, only mere pinpricks of light that seem to define the utter obscurity and confusion you are in, rather than dispel it.

Only God knows what a tiring, painful, tearful, disenchanting - but conversely also beautiful, meaningful and inspiring - journey this one has been.



In the end I wanna be standing at the beginning with you.




IGNIS! For the people whose passions have burnt steadily without flickering through it all.


Grad Night 2008: The Comm With The Special Mention (:


 

41st House Captains


40th Anniversary Merchandise Committee!


IJ!


The best people (: 
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(no subject) [Jul. 4th, 2009|08:19 pm]
i wish you would stop judging people's characters as ugly.
because in doing so you display your own ugly streak as well.



i know my own character to have an inherently ugly streak and i do not like thinking about it.
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but i can't see straight anymore [Jul. 4th, 2009|02:48 pm]
[Ears |Just Dance - Lady GaGa]

come on come on one more paper one more paper press on press on

in retrospect, common tests this time round were extremely lacklustre. i think i should have been retained, given how much math i need to catch up on, and i committed Most Heinous Mistake #3 for econs by forgetting to bring in the most essential piece of evaluation in my essay, and sova was really pathetic - i couldn't remember whether it was chua mia tee or chen wen hsi who was a nanyang artist so i played safe with georgette chen and i know none of her paintings names except 'portrait of eugene chen' and i got nearly all of liu kang's paintings names wrong, and i did the installation question despite swearing off doing any 3-d works because my spatial intelligence is incredibly low, and i rambled miserably for my twin texts lit question, and i didn't know that the lecture tests on heart of darkness and compare/contrast poetry were counted in ct grades, and maths was as maths always was - a 3 hour nightmare and a struggle not to give up.

have had pneumatic drills going off in my head the whole week.




walter benjamin makes no sense at all ): i can't make head or tail of what he is saying, perhaps owing to the broken english and awkward broken syntax of a watershed essay that was written in german initially and then translated and had half its meaning lost in translation.
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pity party [Jul. 2nd, 2009|01:42 am]
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i have  a lot of things  nothing to say
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i'm missing you to death [Jun. 20th, 2009|09:08 pm]
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i am really, really missing these people so much i don't know how it is humanly possible to still function.

these people are
1) the most welcoming friendly genial downright heartfelt funny people i've ever met - i can't stop thinking about all the endless classic moments we had everywhere and anywhere and every time we meet.
2) the most loyal dedicated devoted councillors
3) the strongest, most steadfast, responsible, inspirational people you can ever find

and it is with them that i've had the best memories of my 18 years. all those laugh-out-loud incidents, the stupid jokes, the dumb faces, the tears, the frustration, the insecurities, the stress, the classic dumb blonde moments, the kodak moments, the idiosyncratic characteristics that these people possess and have shared with me! i think these people have been my inspiration for carrying on when life got miserable - which was all too often the case the last 1.5 years. they really crystallise what love is. 

the finality of not seeing them every morning, outside the council room, gossiping/sleeping/studying desperately/sarah or sam b having dumb blonde moment #914970 still hits hard every day.
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(no subject) [Jun. 19th, 2009|12:21 am]
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i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings


i want to write again. i want to be able to write again.
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Les Edgerton [Jun. 16th, 2009|12:34 am]
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"Write to express, not impress"


that's all i can say to you. you with the pomp and pageantry and the whirl in your writing, with thesaurus.com open on your browser and readiness to plonk in whatever word seems big enough and profound enough to make you sound erudite. but dear, dear, some of us know better and know enough to know that your diction is entirely inappropriate in those contexts. and stop trying to make your tiny little grouses into cosmic concerns, stop trying to tackle issues that really sally forth right over your head and pronounce judgements on everyone and everything - in case you haven't realised by now, this world does not revolve around you.
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to quote TS Eliot's Murder in the Cathedral [Jun. 15th, 2009|09:38 pm]
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HUMANKIND CANNOT BEAR VERY MUCH REALITY MATHEMATICS


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this is only partial but i really need it [Jun. 13th, 2009|12:48 am]

Hiatus

not just because common tests are coming and what with art i haven't been studying, but also because i am tired of the brainless word vomit that happens far too frequently here and i need the time and space to sort myself out and climb out of all the mental abysses and quandaries i have mired myself in. i do not know whether to retract into myself and 'give myself 'me' time' as the blissfully ignorant would put it, or whether to stride on and try to smooth over problems, but whatever it is, this livejournal has been far too full of anger and brimming with a lot of painful sentiments and i think i want some time away from myself. spilling it out, extrapolating all the emotions that skim the top of my head isn't cathartic one bit, perhaps it's been even more debilitating. so i need the time to dissipate the darkness that i seem to perpetuate so often nowadays. i need the time to study. i need the time to pick up momentum, after spending the first half a year on so much council stuff, let go of emotional baggage and find the bright-eyed confident girl who's capable of marshalling her life and channeling away distractions. i don't think i will be gone entirely because this in itself has helped me channel away distractions, like when my head is simmering with truths revealed in books or movies. like how i revisited jodi picoult's the pact and i cannot stop wondering how chris can live the rest of his life out without emily and the thought twists at me. but i am rambling and digressing. so au revoir, take care of yourselves everybody and may God be with you.
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